Heartbreak Lullaby
by Crimson Breeze
Summary: She walks over to his bed and lets herself fall onto the soft covers. They smell like him. This whole room smells like him. Set during 4x16


I dedicate this fic to all my fellow brokenhearted Forwood shippers.

_In the still of the night  
I can almost feel you lying next to me  
Like it used to be  
And it's hard to let go  
When there's always something there reminding me  
How things could be  
I've tried to get you off my mind,  
I'll try to play my part  
But every time I close my eyes,  
you're still inside my heart_

_Why can't I laugh?  
Why must I cry  
every time we say goodbye?  
Why does it rain here in my heart  
everyday that we're apart?  
Why can't it be  
just you and me?  
What will it take to make you see?  
These are the words  
to my heartbreak lullaby.  
-The A-Teens_

His name is the first thing that crosses her mind when she opens her eyes in the morning.

If she didn't know herself so well, she would worry that she had become obsessed. But she's not. She's just worried. And sad. And lonely. And completely heartbroken. That is the reason the first thing she does is reach her hand out to grab the phone that is resting on her nightstand to check for any missed calls or text messages. As if she wouldn't have heard her phone ring or heck, even just vibrate while she was asleep and been roused by it, super sensitive hearing and all that.

Laying there on her bed and having barely moved a muscle, she blinks at the screen of her phone for a full minute, willing the screen to flash and for the small piece of technology to ding and alert her to a new message. No such luck. Pouting and letting a large sigh escape her lips, she lets her arm fall with a heavy thud down to the bed and stares up at her ceiling as she begins what seems to be turning into a part of her morning routine.

He'll be back. He's left before. He'll come back. He always comes back. He'll come back for her. He'll come back for her because he loves her. And because she loves him. She blinks away the tears that begin to gather in her eyes as she recalls their last conversation.

She had tried to let him go, really, she had. She had said the words out loud and made him echo them back to her but it's almost as if she hadn't realized the depth of her feelings until that moment. He hadn't even stopped talking before she had realized that there was no way she could let it end like this. There was no way anyone else could ever take the place he now held in her heart. It couldn't end like this. They couldn't end like this. She would hold on to him, to the love that they shared, to the hope that one day, they could have a happily ever after.

Everything about him had told her he was lying when he repeated those words she had told him to say: his eyes, his voice, the gentle grip of his hands on her arms. He couldn't stop thinking about her anymore than she could stop thinking about him. He hadn't meant a word but he would never deny her anything.

"Until we find a way." She whispers as she blinks away more tears. Maybe she should get some of those glow in the dark stars and stick them on her ceiling so she could count them every morning and every night. They might make a good distraction. Yeah right. She's just so sick of losing him over and over again.

She's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't notice that her bedroom door has been opened until her mother's quiet voice reaches her ears.

"Caroline?"

Caroline slowly looks away from the white of the ceiling and turns her head in the direction of the doorway.

"Hi, mom." She says dejectedly. She doesn't mean to sound so depressed.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"Yeah." She replies in the same dejected tone. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the weather's getting warmer but still, she can't help it. She needs some time to cheer herself up with happy thoughts before becoming her usual peppy self. She's always been a morning person but right now, she's just not feeling very good.

"Honey, are you alright?" The concern in Liz's voice is not lost on Caroline and it's enough to get her to force a smile onto her face.

"I'm fine. Just trying to fight off the sleepiness, that's all." By the look on her face, Caroline can tell that her mother isn't buying her crappy excuse but she's relieved when the woman lets it slide. Caroline appreciates the space and comfort her mother has been giving her. Liz knows that Caroline's spent that past three nights with a tub of ice cream and a romantic comedy as her companions even though she hasn't said anything about it to her directly. She doesn't press Caroline for information but she's made it very clear that Caroline can talk to her whenever she wants. Caroline has really begun to feel like she should get Liz one of those Number One Mom magnets or something. She's never been closer to her mother and she loves her to death. It isn't that she doesn't trust her mother or think she won't understand because she will. It's just that the only person Caroline really wants to talk to is Tyler.

If only he would pick up his phone. Or at least call her back.

With another sigh, Caroline tosses her covers aside and swings her legs over the bed.

"Are you leaving already?" she asks, noticing that her mother is already in her uniform.

"Yeah. Things have been pretty busy at the station lately."

"Things have been busy at the station for a while now." Caroline replies with a half smirk and the mother and daughter share a bittersweet look as they recall all the events that have been happening in their lives for some time now.

"I know you're probably sick of hearing this by now, but be careful out there, ok?" The sheriff tries not to sound like a worried mother but that's what she is and it comes through in her voice.

It isn't as if Caroline is even safe in her own house. Klaus has been invited in. He can come and go as he pleases. Not to mention the town wide vampire hunt. But Caroline doesn't voice these thoughts out loud. Why bother voicing what they both already know and dread? Instead, she offers her mother a sad but genuine smile and nods.

"I will. Have a good day at work, Mom."

Liz smiles back at her and nods.

"You have a good day too, honey." She's almost completely out the door when she stops and turns around to look Caroline in the eye.

"You're going to see him again, Caroline, I'm sure of it." She says earnestly.

She didn't know it but that is exactly what she needed to hear. Caroline herself is shocked by the way those words suddenly make her spirit soar and before she knows it, she's vamp sped to her mother to wrap her arms around her in a tight hug. Liz stumbles backwards into the hallway as her arms instinctively wrap around her daughter's waist, surprised at the sudden hug and the blur of Caroline rushing towards her. Caroline looks up and beams at her mother.

"I love you, mom."

Liz smiles and gently strokes Caroline's hair.

"I love you too, baby."

"I'm not a baby anymore, Mommy." Caroline giggles.

"You'll always be my baby." Liz replies. "Even when I'm old and grey and you've got a house of your own."

Caroline laughs.

"Bye mom."

"Bye, Caroline." Liz replies as she heads for the door and Caroline goes back into her room.

Her phone buzzes as she's picking out her clothes. She's sped over to it before it even stops dinging but her face falls when she sees that it isn't Tyler texting her. Jessica is just texting her to gush about how excited she is for the cheer competition. She can't help but be disappointed even though expecting him to call is a long shot since he had said that he wouldn't. But it's been five days since she heard his voice and she misses it. Well there is the recorded message every time her calls go to voicemail but those just aren't the same. She misses him. Still, she can't just fall apart and recalling her mother's words, she finds herself smiling again even as she heads out of her house and starts to drive towards the Salvatore boarding house. Yes, she has to go shower somewhere else because the water in her own home is poisoned but she's not going to let that get her down.

Things seem to be going well for the most part and since Tyler won't call her, she simply calls him. She's left him well over a dozen messages in the past five days and she likes to think of it as a way for her to keep him up to date on the goings on so he won't be blind-sided when he gets back. Better safe than sorry. Seeing Conner try to kill him was bad enough. She doesn't want to have to see Bonnie's dad trying to kill Tyler as well. She's not prepared for that. And besides, leaving him these messages makes her feel close to him. She feels herself smile as she talks into the phone and tells him everything she's thinking as she ambles through the school hallway.

Things snowball pretty quickly. Caroline's stomach drops when she sees the scarf tied around that girl's neck. It brings back far too many horrific memories that she wishes she didn't have. Elena then proceeds to drop Caroline quite literally on her head and keeping in mind that Elena has lost everything, Caroline tries to let it slide but when the best friend since the first grade threatens her mother, Caroline snaps.

This is not okay. She's having trouble believing the person she sees before her is really Elena. Elena who always has so much consideration for others. Who is this girl that insists that she doesn't care? Caroline can't help but think of her as some kind of imposter. This is not her friend. Is it? It's like she's become a completely different person. The old Elena would never rub the fact that she had lost Tyler again in her face. The old Elena would never even suggest that Caroline has any kind of ideas about Klaus of all people. The old Elena would risk her own life to save Caroline's.

The new Elena tried to kill her.

Caroline can't help but feel defeated by this point when she calls Tyler again and tells his voicemail all about her day. He's the only one that she can tell all of her thoughts to. She can tell him things she doesn't feel secure or confident enough to say to Stefan. She can tell him anything. She just wishes she could say it to his face while she was looking into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and feel his warm, strong arms wrapped around her as she spoke.

If there's one thing she's learned from Stefan and from his relationship with Elena, it's to never give up. She's not giving up on Tyler and Stefan's not giving up on Elena. Elena never gave up on Stefan and Caroline recalls that Elena hadn't given up on her either not even when Katherine had blackmailed Caroline into spying on her. What kind of friend would she be if she gave up on Elena now? She promises Stefan her help before she heads off to meet Matt at the Lockwood Mansion.

She wonders if this is some kind of surprise. Maybe he came back. He can't stay but maybe he forgot something and wants to see her before he leaves? Maybe Matt's just covering for him so no one else will know he's here?

It turns out to be a surprise alright but it's certainly not the one she had been hoping for. She can't keep her tears at bay when she reads his letter. There's so much solemnity and finality in his words. The small bit of hope that Caroline had been holding onto slips from her grasp as the realizations dawns on her. He couldn't stay and he can't come back. And she can't leave. Not yet. That wasn't part of the deal. And she doesn't want to risk making Klaus mad again.

She had been clinging to the idea that he would calm down and she might be able to talk him out of trying to hunt down her boyfriend but she knows that she can't. Klaus has made it clear that her desires will never come before his own. So if he wants Tyler dead, he's going to find a way to make it happen no matter how much she begs him not to and he won't care who he has to hurt in order to achieve that goal.

"He's not coming back." she finally admits out loud in a trembling voice as she clutches his letter in her hands.

How is it that the words I love you can bring her so much pain? Especially when they're coming from him? Why does this hurt so much?

He can't ever come back home and so he gives her his home to protect her. And Caroline feels horrible for thinking that she would rather sacrifice her safety and go on the run for the rest of her life if it meant that she could spend it with him. But it's not only her safety she needs to worry about.

She's too devastated to be able to control her tears as Matt embraces her. She can vaguely tell that he's talking to her as she cries but she can't make out what he's saying. It takes a minute for her to realize that he's asking her to loosen her grip. She's hurting him.

Caroline lets go with a gasp as she steps away from him, guilt flooding through her. She's always so careful not to squeeze anyone too hard.

"I'm so sorry, Matt!"

But Matt doesn't look angry. He looks as sad as a puppy.

"It's ok, Care. I know. I miss him too." Another sob escapes her at his words.

He offers to take her home. It's too weird for him to stay in this huge house all by himself. It's going to take some getting used to. But Caroline's not ready to leave just yet. She makes him go home even when he insists that he can stay with her. She doesn't want him to see her like this though.

The house is so dark. It isn't as if she hasn't been here at night before but it's so different now that he's not here. Now that it's not his house anymore. Screw that. This is always going to be his house. This will always be the Lockwood Mansion. This will always be the place where she had celebrated so many of the town's events year after year. She thinks now she can finally understand what Tyler had meant when he complained about his house being too big. It feels so empty and she gets goose bumps as she slowly walks up the stairs to his bedroom.

It looks exactly the same. Like it's just waiting for him to walk in. She chokes down a sob as she walks over to his bed and lets herself fall onto the soft covers. They smell like him. This whole room smells like him. This whole town is filled with memories of him. She sees him wherever she goes. But he's not really here and he's never coming back.

Caroline reaches out and grabs a pillow and pulls it against herself as she curls into a ball. She tries in vain for a few minutes to stifle her sobs but eventually she just gives in and cries with reckless abandon.

Tyler is gone. She may never see him again.

This house is all she has left of him. He's left it for her. To protect her. Because he loves her just as much as she loves him.

She should be glad that he's far away because at least he's alive which is something he wouldn't be if he had stayed here. But she cries herself to sleep on his bed wishing for him anyway.

Because it's just not enough.


End file.
